Frodo Hobbitpants and his ADD Friends
by Hobbit Killer
Summary: A glorious undersea epic set over the backdrop of J.R.R. Tolkein's classic: now with hilarious prequel!
1. Frodo Hobbitpants and his ADD Friends

===DISCAIMERS===  
(1) The characters in this story are based on J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of the Rings and Nickelodeon's Spongebob Squarepants. They are being used for the purposes of fan fiction and we are in no way making a profit off of them. We are making a profit off of the illegal gambling room, however.  
(2) If you feel that you must send us an e-mail in response to the following story, we will print out your message and use it as toilet paper.  
(3) French toast is delicious but waffles are better.  
(4) This story was written by two demented idiots. One of the idiots would like to make it known that this story in no way is a show of disrespect of J.R.R. Tolkein or the fine writers in this fanfic community.  
(5) Special thanks to somebody else for coming up with the first line of the theme song. You know who you are!  
===END DISCLAIMERS===  
  
The Glorious Adventure of Frodo Hobbitpants and his Personality-Disordered Undersea Pals  
  
Who lives in a hobbit hole under the hill?  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
Who's got less brains than the pony named Bill?  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
His Middle-Earth music's what he likes to sing!  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
Now run up to Mordor and toss in a ring!  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
  
Once upon a time, there was a hobbit sponge, who lived in Hobbiton-Bottom. His name was Frodo Hobbitpants, and he lived a life of blissful ignorance with his best friend, Sam the Starfish. That is, until one day, when their stuck-up SOB neighbor Squidron lost his favorite ring and blamed Frodo for stealing it.  
"Hey, you yellow piece of crap! Get the hell down here and give me my ring!"  
"Never!" yelled Frodo, as he hopped out of his house and cavorted away.  
Frodo ran through some Orcfish fields, and while he wanted to get out a net and go Orcfishing, he knew that his psychotic neighbor was chasing him down in the Lemba Patty company car.  
Frodo knew he was done for, and just when he was about to give up hope, his friend Sam came to save him.  
Unfortunately, the two idiots stood too long in the middle of the road, and were run over by Squidron. Squidron got his ring back and corrupted all of Hobbiton-Bottom with his horrible clarinet music.  
  
THE END. 


	2. Squidron, Salogel, Screaming GirlFish

===DISCAIMERS===  
  
(1) The characters in this story are based on J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of the Rings and Nickelodeon's Spongebob Squarepants. They are being used for the purposes of fan fiction and we are in no way making a profit off of them. We are making a profit off of the illegal hidden camera movies, however.  
  
(2) If you feel that you must send us an e-mail in response to the following story, we will print out your message and lick it, because we love inkjet ink.  
  
(3) Would you like an eggplant smoothie?  
  
(4) This story was written by two demented idiots. One of the idiots would like to make it known that this story in no way is a show of disrespect of J.R.R. Tolkein or the fine writers in this fanfic community. The other doesn't care.  
  
(5) Special thanks to somebody else for coming up with the first line of the theme song. You know who you are!  
  
===END DISCLAIMERS===  
  
Author's note:  
  
We are adding this new chapter a few months after our original tale of humor, misery and woe debuted on Fanfiction.net. We expected that the online J.R.R. Tolkein fan base would embrace this story and call it their own. However, we were apparently mistaken. We received only one review, and it did not contain any constructive criticism whatsoever.  
  
We would just like to warn you all that J.R.R. Tolkein is, indeed, an anagram for "SATAN, THE DEVIL." Okay, it doesn't work out perfectly, but LEGOLAS backwards is SALOGEL, and you just KNOW that that doesn't not sound evil.*  
  
And so, without further nonsense, we post the next chapter of this story, in the hopes that perhaps some of you will learn to appreciate the effort that went into creating this masterwork of fan fiction.  
  
*One of the two people involved with this (the one who's ID is being used to post this fic) would like to mention that she had nothing to do with this author's note. When she does get around to posting serious fics, she would appreciate it if you disregarded all negative tendencies she has displayed toward Tolkein, as these did not originate from her but from her co-conspirator.  
  
CHAPTER TWO: SQUIDRON IS TAKEN DOWN BY SALOGEL  
  
In the last installment, it was suggested that Squidron had corrupted all of Hobbiton-Bottom with his clarinet music. This is only half true, or perhaps two-thirds true, well, okay, it is about nine-tenths true. But there was one section of Hobbiton-Bottom which his music could not reach: the realm of the shelf-fish, Murkreef, where Salogel, the most handsome and manly shelf-fish lived.  
  
Salogel had a huge fan base due to the fact that he was so handsome and manly, and therefore, had a rather large army of screaming teenage girl- fish to back him up in any fight he chose to engage himself in. With this in mind, when he received the news that Hobbiton-Bottom had been corrupted and that Frodo and Sam had failed their mission, he had no other choice but to take drastic action.  
  
He logged onto the Aquanet and created a website which would send his female fans nude photos of himself in exchange for them backing him up in the "Quest to save Hobbiton-Bottom" army. He soon had a backing of thousands, each girl-fish armed with a hair dryer and an autographed photo with which to induce paper cuts.  
  
And so, the battle of Shellanor Fields began. Squidron, even with his clarinet, was powerless to stop the teenage girl-fish. Their screaming drowned out the music, and Salogal was victorious, inheriting all of Hobbiton-Bottom and its suburbs.  
  
The end. 


	3. Occupational Hazards: a prequel

A/N  
  
Hey people! This is the Serious side of Hobbit Killer, and look what I've found! It's a prequel to everybody's least favorite story! This chapter was actually written by myself, with a few touch ups by my crazy brother, and it is actually kind of funny, but then again I'm partial to it as this chapter is MINE Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah....(takes breath) hahahahahah!  
  
Anywho, here you go.  
  
===DISCAIMERS===  
  
(1) The characters in this story are based on J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of the Rings and Nickelodeon's Spongebob Squarepants. They are being used for the purposes of fan fiction and we are in no way making a profit off of them. We are making a profit off of the illegal gambling room, however.  
  
(2) If you feel that you must send us an e-mail in response to the following story, we will print out your message and use it as toilet paper.  
  
(3) Our Aunt and alcohol just don't mix.   
  
(4) This story was written by two demented idiots. One of the idiots would like to make it known that this story in no way is a show of disrespect of J.R.R. Tolkein or the fine writers in this fanfic community.  
  
(5) Special thanks to somebody else for coming up with the first line of the theme song. You know who you are!  
  
===END DISCLAIMERS===  
  
The  
  
Who lives in a hobbit hole under the hill?  
  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
  
Who's got less brains than the pony named Bill?  
  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
  
His Middle-Earth music's what he likes to sing!  
  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
  
Now run up to Mordor and toss in a ring!  
  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
  
Frodo Hobbitpants!  
  
At the Krusty Lemba we find our beloved though thoughrolly evil friend Squidron as he chops up one of the secret ingredeints of the Lemba Patties.   
  
Out of nowhere, Squidron's boss, Mr. Butterkrab, yelled, "Hey! You're losing me money! Work faster!" This caused Squidron to lose his concentration, which caused his knife to slip, which caused him to cut his own finger off, sending his digit and the college class ring attached to it flying across the room.  
  
"!@#$%^&!!!!!!" Squidron's curse roused the attention of none other than Isildur, the stuck up son of the mayor.  
  
"Ohhh, pretty shiny thing," Isildur shouted, pushing the rapidly dessintigrating Squidron out of the way, Isildur grabbed Squidron's ring and ran out of the building, only to be fatally stung by an Orcfish the second he walked out of the door.  
  
Just then, Golton the Plankton was walking by, and happened to spot the ring. "Oooh, pretty shiny thing," Golton drooled. He grabbed the ring, and proceeded to live an unaturally long life which caused him to mutate into a hideous creature.  
  
One day, Frodo Hobbitpants's cousin, Bilbo Hobbitpants, was Orcfishing with a group of squirrels when he came across Golton. Golton, so consumed by the shininess of the ring, decided to call Bilbo nasty names. In retaliation, Bilbo stepped on Golton and took the ring.  
  
The ring caused Bilbo to also have an unnaturally long life, until one day when Sandy the Wizard came by and made him give the ring to Frodo.  
  
The End. 


End file.
